Trust Between The Sexes

Trust is the intangible X factor that makes relationships work, eases problems and allows you to fully share your feelings, thoughts and emotions with a lover. It can never be bought, only given and is easily lost.
How can trust be maintained and if necessary, repaired between men and women?

Trust is actually based on four elements of risk assessment which we all unconsciously make about our partner. These are:

1. Sincerity
Do you mean what you say? Or, are you guilty of saying something without the clear intention of follow through.

2. Reliability
Do you say you'll do something or be somewhere and then don't or can't? These can seem like small misdemeanors but you will be subconsciously judged on your follow through. It's always better not to agree to something you can't be sure you'll be able to do.

3. Competence
This is the assessment made about whether they think you have the ability to do what you say you can.

4. Care
Do you have the other person's "best interests" at heart as much as your own when you make your decisions and take action? Most people very quickly pick up on this, even if they can't explain what's wrong.

All this risk assessment is generally taking place below the level of the conscious mind and will be strongly influenced by any past history between the two people involved. The end result will be an amorphous gut feeling about you which is almost impossible for your partner to ignore unless you do something to break through this unconscious process with new information which suggests an alternative possibility.

So, how do you arrest the process when you've made a mistake and lost your loved ones trust?

Here's the deal! When you've done something less than brilliant (and we all have) firstly, admit it to yourself. This is the hardest part. Don't sneakily hide it or blame the other person and think you've got away with it, because, you won't have. Trust will have been lost and even if nothing is openly said; once trust is damaged you won't easily be trusted again. The only thing for it is to come clean and accept responsibility for your personal failure in the situation. Then, and this is the most important part, name how you will handle similar issues in the future. And, make sure, come hell or high water that you follow through. This is a trustworthy stance and the only way to break through the risk assessment process we've discussed above.

Remember that a small disappointment handled well can actually build trust and a big one is either going to ultimately destroy the relationship or take major changes on your part in order to move forward again.

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